The Gift/Transcript
(Opens up on a snowy planet. Zoom in on a landscape, snow coats the ground, and a village can be seen in the distance. On a hill nearby, Sylvia lies against a tree trunk, sleeping like a rock and snoring loudly. A white gift box with a red ribbon hops up the hill in front of her, and it bounces on her stomach repeatedly. On the fourth bounce, she awakens with a yelp, followed by a groan as she faints slightly. In close-up, she yawns; brief shot of her perspective of the gift box, glowing. This fully awakens her with a start.) Sylvia: Oh, my grop. It's today?! (Wide shot, the gift box explodes as red, green and white confetti fly out, they clear to reveal Wander.) Wander: IT'S TODAY!!! (The title appears, glowing; freeze-frame. Cut to a long shot of the landscape; Wander and Sylvia hold hands and dance in circles as a light blue comet comes down from the sky at warp speed and scoops them up. Zoom out to an establishing shot of the planet as it zooms out of sight, Wander and Sylvia in tow.) (Close-up of the two, in an orbble and running at the speed of the comet.) Sylvia: There's just one thing I don't get. Wander: What's not to get? (On the end of this, he takes off his hat and produces several gift boxes inside them, all white with red ribbons. As he continues, the comet goes past several planets as presents fly down from them onto each one, followed by several recipients getting their presents: A rock with a red ribbon falls down to the rock mother while the red and blue ants catch gift boxes of their own and the balloon man watches as one floats down on three balloons of green, blue and red respectively...Demurra, Draykor and their three children – two human girls, one dragon boy – have dinner while presents fall down around them, astounding them as the children cheer...Show a close-up of two coupons for free hugs held by a pink hand.) Wander: (voiceover) Once every 365 Yuletidian cycles, a cluster of interstellar temporal neutrinos collides with a passing dimensional space vortex, resulting in a massive chronal jet stream... (Zoom out, it is being held by one of the Binglebops. Wander hugs them and squeals happily; Back in space, Wander and Sylvia zoom past a blue planet and drop more gifts. Close-up of two white sleeved, blue hands as a gift lands in them. Widen to frame five Lords of Illumination, the middle one is holding the gift.) Lord: Soooo...what's in the box? (Cut to a close-up of a bone with a wrapped ribbon on it. As Wander speaks, the camera zooms out framing Buster, who barks and drools over it slightly. Cut to Emperor Awesome, lying in a hot tub, the Fist Fighters standing behind him. They catch presents in the background, and one lands in the water before Awesome, top flying off revealing a paper inside it. In close-up, Awesome brings it into view: It shows a black and white head shot of him surrounded by stars, with the writings, "To: Emperor Awesome" and "You're awesome!". Snap to a close-up of Awesome and zoom out as he hugs the poster, hearts rising and bursting in the air appearing around him.) Wander: (voiceover) And, we use it to travel across the universe in a single day giving gifts to everyone we've met over the past season! (Close-up.) Of our lives!! (Cut to a bird family sitting in a nest in a tree at night. Wander comes into view, holding one large present and three smaller ones. The mother bird screeches and shocks him.) Wander: AH! (Snap to white; fade in immediately to space as Wander and Sylvia ride the comet, dropping gifts all around. Cut to a desert landscape, presents land near four Mooplexians, who just stay where they are, moaning.) Sylvia: (voiceover) I get that. (Presents fall down, transitioning the screen to a star background. As Wander speaks, he walks in from the right side, hat slung over shoulder. Westley enters from the left, holding a similar sack, and they hold out presents for each other.) Wander: (voiceover) Then do you not get that being nice to folks makes them want to pay it forward? (Present wipe to Huckleberry sitting against a candy background, his bug parents sit in a sling around him. A wrapped lollipop falls down, and he catches it.) Huckleberry: Lolly! (He eats it.) Sylvia: (voiceover) No, I get that. (Cut to them, she now wears bell collars on her snout, neck, arms, legs and tail.) I just don't get why I have to wear these. Wander: 'Cause they go so well with these! (On "these", he holds up a headband with dear antlers, adorned with bells. He places them on Sylvia's head, she is very put out. They zoom through space, dropping more presents as more recipients get them. Two presents are caught by Trudi and one of her clones as seen in split screen, left side showing Ziziks, right side showing the halting planet...The screen parts away from the center to reveal Destructor on his throne with his sock puppet, a present coming into view and he receives from it a lady's sock, which he hugs and plays with...Wander and Sylvia drop more presents, which are caught by Fleeblebort, Marsha, the starving rabbit and the feuding families as they raise them high and cheer...Wander hangs from the ceiling of inside Blarpee's as he presents a gift to the gloomy cashier.) Wander: For all your help. (Pause) Cashier: Sorry, who are you again? (The comment suddenly brings total confusion to Wander's face, before the screen becomes a grid − first 4x4, then 6x6, and finally 8x5 - 40 total – showing the various recipients holding their presents.) (The two speed through the comet, dropping more gift boxes over a few more planets; close-up on the two, Sylvia sighs tiredly.) Sylvia: Okay, that was a blast. (They float towards the camera, releasing themselves from the comet's trail. Cut to a long shot as the two come forward; Sylvia has ditched her antlers as well as the sleigh bells, except for the ones on her snout.) Sylvia: And we delivered gifts to everyone we encountered this past season. (Close-up.) Of our lives. (She removes the sleigh bells from her snout.) Wander: (offscreen, singy-songy) Almost! (Reaches his hand into view and points upward) Boink boink? (Widen to reveal they're below Lord Hater's ship. In close-up, Wander begins reading a list.) Wander: We have to give gifts to Lord Hater and the Watchdogs. (He shows Sylvia the list, showing various names, on the end of this. Cut to a long shot of the ship, their orbble begins floating up towards one of its back exhaust ports.) Wander: We've shared more adventures with them than anybody. (Cut to a close-up of the port; as Sylvia speaks, the orbble pops, and they proceed through until they reach a hole which is blocked by lasers coming from all sides.) Sylvia: (very snarky) Even though most of those "adventures" involved them trying to destroy us? That guy is a jerk! I'm just sayin', maybe if we should institute some kind of..."Naughty or Nice" policy. Wander: There's an old Slarnian saying... (He says something unintelligible.) Which roughly translates to: "A little nice makes naughty think twice." (Sylvia rolls her eyes good humoredly and holds out a diamond. In close-up, she holds it in the center of the lasers, causing them to briefly disappear, before they fill the opening and explode. After the smoke clears, the two jump through the exploded hole; cut to a close-up of a letter, Sylvia's shadow looms over to read it.) Sylvia: (reading) "Sylvia, this panel is loose. Hugs and kisses, Sylvia". (Widen to frame her and Wander; the letter is on one of the floor panels. She throws it aside, and she and Wander jump in.) (Cut to another room as Wander and Sylvia enter through a vent on the ceiling. As Wander speaks, they start missing the various obstacles: a presser with spikes, a wall of fire, a pair of giant blades, and a spiky door.) Wander: If we give Hater the perfect gift, maybe his heart will grow three sizes, and he'll spread cheer throughout the galaxy. Sylvia: (offscreen) Or maybe he'll try to destroy us...again. (Cut to a hallway as Wander and Sylvia enter.) Wander: I like our odds! Hater: (growls) Watchdogs!! (Cut to a blue background; Lord Hater walks into view.) Hater: All I want is for you guys to finally do something, anything right, for once!! (Zoom out to frame the whole room; Wander and Sylvia are watching.) Is that so hard?! (The zoom shows he is in front of the jumbotron; cut to a close-up of Wander and Sylvia, the former shaking with excitement; his next two lines are somewhat high-pitched.) Wander: He's gonna be so excited!! Sylvia: (shrugging, with disdain) Yeah, that guy's just a barrel of sunshine waiting to happen. Wander: Exactly!! (A Watchdog walks by outside the door during this line, getting Wander's attention.) Watchdog: Huh... (Cut to him, striving the hall.) Was it Conference Room 1 or Conference Room 1-A? Wander: (sliding into view) 1-A! Watchdog: Huh, thanks. (Stops, aims blaster) Hey, wait a minute! Who said that?! (Wide shot of the hall.) Show yourselves, or I'll blast you to bits and even smaller bits! (Pan to Wander and Sylvia nearby.) Wander: It's not just about giving someone a present, it's about giving someone the perfect present! Observe. (Back to the Watchdog; a gift box slides into view, a small red tag with a white circle attached to it. Cut to frame Wander and Sylvia sticking their heads out the door; they instantly slip away, and the Watchdog comes up, blaster aimed, then he notices the present and examines it.) Watchdog: Huh, what's this? Wander: (peeking out, whispering) Read the tag! (slips away) Watchdog: Okay, mysterious voice. (Close-up.) But I doubt there's any new information – (Close-up of the tag, it has snowflakes and reads "A gift for you!".) on this tag that would cause me to – (Back to him, he gasps and shakes excitedly.) Oh my grop, it's me!! (He hugs the gift, and his iris/pupil becomes a big red heart. Widen to frame Wander and Sylvia peeking; they slip away just as another Watchdog comes forward.) Watchdog 2: Tim! (He pushes him into another room.) The meeting's in here! (Wander and Sylvia come out, the former holding his hat over his shoulder.) Wander: Perfect. He's overwhelmed with joy! A little nice makes naughty think – Sylvia: Twice. Slarnian. (She does the gibberish.) Yeah, I know. But if we're caught, we don't get to deliver gifts. We get to die. So, just promise me we'll be careful. Deal? Wander: (hugs her) Deal! (Zoom in on him; the view becoming a horizontal band which picks out his hard, determined face.) Wander: (sharply) Let's do this. (Snap to a Watchdog in the surveillance room, sitting in a chair and eating a batch of cookies on a plate next to him. A glass of milk rests in his other hand, which he sips from. Front-on shot of him as he notices something; zoom out to show a gift box on top of his cookies. He gasps and grabs it, his eye turns into a heart.) Watchdog: Haaaappy... (Sylvia sticks her head out from behind the chair and vacuums the cookies into her mouth, before slipping away.) (Whip pan to a Watchdog in the laundry room; he reaches dinto the cart in front of him and pulls out a red sock, and sighs. Zoom out, showing various socks with presents in him; the zoom also shows he's barefoot. He gasps, and his eye becomes a heart.) Watchdog 2: Haaaappy... (Whip pan to two Watchdogs in the cockpit. The hands of Wander and Sylvia reach out from either side and snap, getting their attention. As they look in that direction, each gifter puts a present in their laps. As they turn to look at them, their eyes become heart-shaped.) Watchdogs: Haaaappy... (The gifters peek out from behind the chairs.) Wander: Perfect. (Whip pan to a Watchdog, blaster in hand. Zoom out showing he's in a hallway; Wander comes down slowly, attached to a rope and gift box in hand. After a few seconds later, he suddenly drops down quickly, but stops just before the lightning bolt on the Watchdog's helmet. He begins to sweat, the drops suddenly falling onto the Watchdog's blaster as he looks up, just in time to catch the present. He looks at it, eye becoming a heart as he squeals and runs off; tilt up to Wander.) Wander: Perfect!! (He instantly drops out of frame, and Sylvia ends up dropping on top of him, bottom visible.) (Whip pan to Tim, holding the present Wander gave him.) Watchdog: Haaaappy... Hater: (offscreen) Peepers... (Cut to he and Peepers, viewed from just behind the present.) What...what is that thing?! (Wide shot of them.) Peepers: It appears to be some kind of present. Hater: B-but, how...who would...what is wrong with him? (Tim giggles, causing the two to scream. After they rush out of frame, they slowly slip back in.) Peepers: The gift has made him... happy. (Cut to inside the vents; through one of them we can see a myriad of Watchdogs. Wander and Sylvia enter and see this.) Hater: (from outside, slightly muffled) But the Watchdogs have never been happy before! (Cut to just outside the vents; the gifters slide their heads into view.) Peepers: (offscreen, slightly muffled) Well, they've never received a gift before. (Tilt down to the Watchdogs; as Hater speaks, multiple presents fall from above, and they catch them. Cut to the vents as Wander and Sylvia toss presents through the vent one by one.) Hater: (offscreen, slightly muffled) Peepers... (pant) What are we gonna do? If this spreads... The entire army will be ruined! (Cut back to the Watchdogs.) Peepers: (offscreen, slightly muffled) It's okay, sir. (The door on the other end opens up to reveal Hater and Peepers.) Peepers: There is no way this "happiness" is spreading. (The Watchdogs turn around, eyes now heart-shaped and holding the presents.) Watchdogs: Haaaappy... (Hater and Peepers scream and terror and rush down the hall, knocking Watchdogs and presents out of the way. Instantly, they enter another room at the far end of a hall and slam the door, and the Watchdogs start raising their hands repeatedly.) Watchdogs: Haaaappy... etc. Peepers: (from inside, slightly muffled) There's a serial gifter loose on the ship. (Pan slowly to the left; a vent cap opens to reveal the eyes of Wander and Sylvia in the darkness.) Hater: (from inside, slightly muffled) We have to destroy him, before he destroys us! (Wander and Sylvia step out, the latter holding Wander's hat.) Peepers, assemble a team! (Red lights begin to flash through the hall; cut to a close-up of the two gifters.) Wander: They're onto us! We don't have much time! Find and secure Hater, leave the Dogs to me. Sylvia: How? Wander: I'll do what I do best... (Extreme close-up of his face.) Be merry. (Ground level, the reflections of Peepers and two other unaffected Watchdogs, blasters in hand, are partially visible. Tilt up past them and stopping on Wander; after the other three leave; Wander is seen, clinging to the walls and holding a gift's ribbon in his teeth, while his hat sits on his back He lets go and drops out of frame; cut to an overhead shot of Peepers and the other two Watchdogs in a room with paths stretching over a room with no floor beneath.) Peepers: Alright, men, split up! (They take separate paths; cut to the other two running.) Teddy: (pants) Man, Pete. If we make it out here alive...first thing I'm gonna do... (Close-up.) is find that gal I met at shore leave...buy a ring, and ask her to be mine. (Pan to Pete running next to him.) Pete: Ah, you're crazy, Teddy. Hater never lets anyone have nice things. (Looks over.) Like dreams. (He suddenly screeches to a halt; overhead shot, Teddy is not there.) Pete: Teddy? Teddy? (Teddy is heard screaming; close-up.) Hang in there, buddy! I'm comin'! (He zips off; cut to another area of the room and screeches to a halt.) Pete: Oh no. (Zoom out; Teddy has a big diamond ring in box; eye now heart-shaped.) TEDDY!! (Close-up of Teddy; Pete walks over.) Teddy: Haaaappy... Pete: (sniffs, pats his head) She's gonna love it, kid. (Behind shot of them; Wander rises into view over the right side and slides a present forward.) Pete: She's gonna love it. (Wander jumps onto the platform and rushes off; he then jumps up to a beam which hangs over the room.) Wander: Perf... (While saying this, cut to a long shot of the action and zoom in on the present; the right side of the bow has suddenly become undone. Wander gasps; ground level as he lands on the ground. In slow motion, he jumps over to the present, and manages to redo the bow in close-up. He lands on the other side and slides quickly out of frame; cut to a close-up of him as we hear ripping.) Pete: (offscreen, entranced) My dream! (Wander looks over to see Pete now wearing tap shoes and dancing, heart in eye.) Wander: (whispering) Perfect! Peepers: (offscreen) Curses! (Wander looks back over to see that Peepers is here.) Peepers: Pete has succumbed to the dance! (In close-up, Peepers looks over slowly to see Wander, who reaches into his hat and presents a present. Close-up of the tag, reading "Peepers"; the recepient's only response is to scream in terror and run off.) (Cut to a door as Peepers runs up to it and rapidly bangs on it.) Peepers: Lord Hater, let me in, ple-ease!!! (Cut to Wander as he approaches with Peepers' present; he gasps.) Wander: He's gonna ruin the surprise! (He looks up at the present and smiles, before taking aim. Close-up on the tag; instantly, the present is flung into the air and lands on Peepers' head, knocking him out. Pan slightly to the right as Wander comes into view.) Wander: Perfect. (Cut to inside the room where Hater is hiding; he is holding his hood worryingly.) Hater: Commander Peepers? (backing up) C-Peeps? (He bumps into Sylvia's snout, which gives a horse snort.) Sylvia: Boo. (Screaming, Hater rushes through the door, breaking it. Sylvia starts to strive out, but Wander instantly blocks her way.) Wander: (frantically) SYLVIA! HATER'S RUNNIN' AWAY, AND WE GOTTA GIVE HIM HIS GIFT, BECAUSE IF HE DOESN'T GET HIS GIFT, HE WON'T BE FILLED WITH THE GIVING SPIRIT, SO COME ON AND HURRY UP IF YOU WILL, PLEASE! THANK YOU! (He grabs her on the end of this, and zips out the door leaving only her head visible.) Sylvia: I hate today. (Her head is yanked out; cut to a hall as a screaming Hater runs through, Wander and Sylvia following. Cut to the ship's escape pod as Hater falls in it and it closes up; cut to outside the ship as the pod blasts out through the "teeth".) (Cut to the snowy planet from earlier as the pod rockets toward it and crashes; cut to it lying in the snow as Hater, still screaming, gets out and hurries to the log cabin in the distance. Inside, he hammers boards onto the door, and slides furnishings in front of it – dresser, television, microwave, armchair. He finally stops screaming and lies down in the armchair; cut to outside the cabin and zoom out to put Wander and Sylvia in view. Extreme close-up of Wander's face. the moon visible behind him.) Wander: Ding! (He begins jumping; zoom out to show he and Sylvia are on the roof, the latter jumping on the former, but visible through the chimney. After ten bounces, she finally slips through. Cut to the fireplace inside as smoke fills the screen; it clears to reveal Wander and Sylvia covered in snow, shaped to look like Santa Clause's clothes and the antlers and nose of a reindeer, respectively. Wide shot as they shake the snow off, revealing Wander is holding Hater's present. Sylvia stretches forward and Wander presents the gift; Hater screams.) Hater: Stay back! (He quickly backs out of frame, and the gifters walk toward him slowly. Cut to Wander's perspective of Hater.) Hater: No. (Front-on shot of the two.) Sylvia: (through gritted teeth) I don't think he wants a gift! (Back to Hater.) Hater: No! (flops to the ground) (The gifters; they continue to approach him. '' '''Wander:' (same manner) He's just trying to be polite! (Back to Hater; he cowers and resists. '' '''Hater:' Nooooo!!! (A light shines on him, and we hear the sound of something breaking. Cut to a hole made in the roof as three Watchdogs, no longer affected and eyes back to normal, swing down on ropes. They land on the ground before Hater. '' '''Middle Watchdog:' Perimeter is on lockdown! Clear! Clear! Bravo Team! Secure Lord Hater! (Front-on shot of Wander and Sylvia, two more trips of released Watchdogs enter on either side on ropes, and three of them plow them to the ground.) Wander/Sylvia: Whoa! (We hear the sound of punching; snap to a close-up of a tied rope and zoom out to reveal Wander and Sylvia in it. The Watchdogs gather to Lord Hater; one lays a fuzzy pink blanket over his back, another gives him a mug. Hate blinks twice; silence.) Hater: That was the coolest! You stopped Wander from infecting me with the happies – (sips mug) And, this cocoa is really tasty. (sips more) I-I can't believe I'm saying this, but...you did something right for once! (Close-up.) Good work, Watchdogs! (Cut to the trapped gifters as they smile at each other; they slide out, leaving the rope in mid-air before it hits the ground. It lands, and Wander places Hater's present in the center of it in close-up.) (Cut to outside the cabin as Wander and Sylvia leave in their orbble.) Sylvia: Man, who knew those pathetic Watchdogs could be so awesome? Wander: (shrugs, rolling his eyes) Mayyybe all they needed was a little niceness. (Snap to white; fade in to a soft-focused flashback of Tim receiving his gift. As Wander speaks, cut to a close-up of the tag as Tim turns it over. The other side is entirelly dark red, and reads "From Lord Hater" with two skulls on either side.) Wander: (voiceover) Mayyybe if someone wrote "From Lord Hater" on all those gift tags – (Cut to a close-up of Sylvia.) Sylvia: Eh, you mean...? (Cut to Hater and the watchdogs in the cabin; as Wander speaks, they hug him, and he looks ahead and snaps in shock. Cut to his perspective of his present and zoom in, showing it has a tag that reads "Hater" on it. Back to him as he pushes the Watchdogs aside; back to the gift as he reaches his hand into view. Cut to inside the box as he opens the lid; full shot as he throws the box aside, holding a note outlined in pink on the back. Close-up on the note, it reads "You're Welcome. ♥ Wander" in pink letters, with a small line trailing from the "R" along with crudely drawn pictures of Wander and Sylvia on the bottom.) Wander: (voiceover) "A little nice makes naughty think twice". So, they paid it forward, and did something right for once, just like Hater wanted... which he should be realizing right about... (Cut back to the two; Wander points toward the cabin as if to cue something.) Hater: (from inside, anguished) NOOOOOOOO!!! (They smile; snap to black.) Sylvia: (voiceover) Hold on. Wander, do you know what this means?! (Snap back up on them, their faces now sport expressions of shock.) Hater: (from inside) Wait... YEEEESSSSSSS!!! (A green blast of lightning rockets out from inside the cabin and zaps them, causing their orbble to pop, and they fall out of frame.) (Snap to a snowy ground; Wander and Sylvia land on their bellies. Zoom out as two platoons of Watchdogs march out from either side.) Hater: (offscreen) All right, my now awesome Watchdogs! You know what to do! (Close-up on the two, completely horrified; Hater walks into view behind them.) Hater: Thank you, so much, for your, thoughtful gift... (Tilt up to frame him.) which I am TOTALLY GOING TO USE...TO CONQUER THE UNIVERSE!!! (Cut to the village as seen from the beginning of the episode; it is decorated for Christmas, and a big pine tree stands in the center, adorned with decorations and a big star on top.) Hater: (offscreen) Starting with this pathetic place! (Zoom out to put the marching Watchdogs in view.) Go, my Watchdogs. GO BE AWESOME!!! (He finishes with an evil laugh; cut to a close-up of the heartbroken Wander, tears watering in both eyes and mouth quivering. Tilt up to Sylvia as she looks at her sad friend, then she looks forward and smiles with a gasp.) Sylvia: Hey, Wander, I've got the perfect gift for you. (She faces forward and leans in twice; close-up on Wander as he gasps and smiles; tilt up to Hater as he notices as well. '' '''Hater:' What...? W-w-w-what's happening?! (Cut to the village; the lights flicker on, and we hear children cheering. In the village, Watchdogs are already getting into the holiday spirit, while citizens shaped to look like ornaments help out: one hangs a wreath with Lord Hater wearing reindeer antlers and a red nose on a door...in the distance, one holds a ladder while another stands on it and adjusts the lights, and a group of them dances around the tree...another stands before a pile of presents while a second carries some in the background.) Watchdog: Here you go. Friendly gifts, courtesy of Lord Hater. (Close-up on a yellow ornament on the end of this; it takes the present and hugs it. Cut to Hater as he screams; as he panics, he enters the village.) Hater: Nononononononononononononoooooo!!! (He frantically begins stopping everything: he knocks three presents out of a Watchdog's hand...he smashes the head of a snowman, causing it to fall on the Watchdog next to it...he rips a rod of lights away...he fires green lightning, causing the top of the tree to break off...he kicks a pile of presents away...he rips another wreath of himself off a string of bows and begins stomping on it and trying to rip it with his teeth. He suddenly stops as the ornaments surround him and start to crowd over him.) Hater: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (Instantly, he is blocked from view, leaving only his right hand visible as the ornaments cheer.) (Cut to Wander and Sylvia, now standing in a forest of lit trees nearby.) Wander: I knew it! Being kind to others makes them kind back! (Sylvia takes Wander in her arm and does the alien gibberish.) Sylvia: ...Buddy. (Wander does the gibberish as well.) Wander: ...Sylvia. (Snowflakes start to fall as they turn their eyes toward the camera and smile. Tilt up to frame the tops of the trees, followed by a bunch of mountains. The camera stops on a bright star in the sky; Wander and Sylvia walk towards it until they become a silhouette in the very center. Snap to black.) Category:Transcripts